Real College

The "college experience" at Olin was anything but typical. I can probably count the number of times I went out to a bar. There wasn't really anyone on campus that I didn't "know". Going down to Penn State has made me realize what college could have been, what "real college" is.

By 5PM on a Saturday afternoon, we're already trying on dresses and getting makeup opinions. The six of us swarm in from of the mirror, trying to cover sunburned noses from the football game that afternoon, trading bras, and using double stick tape on skin and fabric. We finally call a taxi at 6:30, hoping that Jaime will stop flipping out and get herself together by the time it gets there. She ends up putting her makeup on in the cab.

Dinner starts with drinks at the bar while waiting, some girly, others just hard. Dinner itself is mediocre, but doesn't really matter to Laura, who may well have an eating disorder. More drinks to go around at dinner, and then we’re off to the Scanty Gaff. We're all dressed in dresses and heels as we show the bouncer out IDs and fight for drinks at this very dive-y college bar. Vodka tonics combine with eighties music creating the need to dance. Once the heels start to wear, we join a group of ex-Army guys at a table. Free beer magically produces itself for the wearers of cute clothing.

I listen to the guys talk about tricks they played on each other while they were in Iraq. One in particular corners me while I put on my best innocent, conservative Southern girl act. He talks about how he works building houses now, how he hopes we don't get into any new conflicts that would send him back to combat. We talk about motorcycles and mindless things. Beer continues to grease the entire situation.

Feeling nicely buzzed, we decide to go back to the bar from the night before. The bouncer was cute there and Laura's only goal for the night is to make out with someone. The second bar is more upscale, a place where the heels and jewelry are perhaps a little more at home. The bouncer is working as bar back, still dark and handsome. The Army guys have joined our group and help us grab a large table. We order more girly drinks and beers, but move to the bar as it begins to empty around 1. The bar back completely ignores Laura, sending her into a depressive state while the rest of us seductively ask the bartenders what they make best. With Laura sulking and last call approaching, 3 of the Army guys and one of the girls break off to go "home". Michelle declares that she wants pizza and starts encouraging the rest of the group to head that way. Before leaving we ask the bar back to join us after he gets off. He takes Laura's number and promises to meet us.

Pizza after the bars close in a college town is what everyone seems to do. The line is out the door with drunk people in various states of clothing. Once we finally make it to the front, the girls and our one remaining Army guy grab pizzas and a table. A professional football player, back in town for the weekend, sits at the next table over, politely obliging for pictures. His girlfriend must hate us. Halfway through the pizza, the bar back calls, then joins us. Turns out that he's actually a freshman, which is perhaps a little young for Laura, who's been out of college for 2 years. Our Army guy doesn't know what to make of a group of girls fawning over another guy and leaves confused and alone.

We all finally leave around 3, thinking we'll be able to catch a taxi. We call the cab companies and get no answer. We try flagging down any taxi we see, and even try to flag down a pizza guy, just hoping for anything that will keep us from needing to walk the 4 miles home in heels. We talk to other people on the street, thinking maybe one of them is heading in the same direction. One guy is, but he doesn't have a better plan than we do. Michelle finally sits down on the curb, while we try to hail any one down. A nice man in a Lexus stops at the stoplight with his windows open. When a cute girl in a skirt asks if he can possibly take us home, he says yes. We arrive home, the four remaining girls and the guy we had picked up on the street, having hitchhiked. Life is strange and drunk.

I don't have enough stories like that.